The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize
