I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
