Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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