i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
