U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
