So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
