I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize
