Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
