Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
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