in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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