Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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