I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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