I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
