Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Randomize
