carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
