sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
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