god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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