just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
