My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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