she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
