Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize
