He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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