Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
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She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
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Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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