I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
