apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
