I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
