I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
