question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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