I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
