He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Can vaginas get frostbite?
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
