took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
