I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
