Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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