You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
There r osticjed everywhere
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Randomize
