my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
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