All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
