let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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