Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Randomize
