the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize