Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
