Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Randomize
