Don't make out with my wife yet
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
