...so i touched it.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
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I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
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We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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