He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Randomize
