Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Randomize
