you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
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