my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize