ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
