I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
