I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
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I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
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OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
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