we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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