Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
