you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
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