i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
