I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
why do cheetos always look like penises
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
