there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
organizing the empties. That sober.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
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