I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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