i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
The best revenge is premature balding
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
