Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
You can't motorboat a personality
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
