I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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