Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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