I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I have aggressive nipples.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
