I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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