he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
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