Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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