You're my little dorito
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
