best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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