just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
