Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
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