I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
