and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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