yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
