now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
