mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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