last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Randomize
