one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
