In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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