i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Randomize
