Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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