he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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