I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
