Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Randomize
