I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I hope mine doesn't look like that
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
