I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I should be sponsored by Trojan
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize